Dear Bitch from CVS,
I want you to know that you are very, very lucky that it was my husband who heard the rude comments you made in regards to my daughter today while waiting in line at CVS and not me. He is very mellow and able to brush those comments aside with a shrug and roll of his eyes.
Me, however? I am bat ass crazy. And trust when I say, it would have taken about .5 seconds for me to lose my redheaded mind all over your face. I probably would have even started waggling my head from side to side and snapping my fingers, unleashing my inner street from deep inside my gap-clad loins.
I realize it is annoying when my daughter starts whining and fussing in public. Trust me, I know. It annoys me too. I had to listen to her whine and fuss all the way back to the car. I have to listen to her whine and fuss about ten times a day. You, however, had to listen to her for less than two minutes.
Apparently, the conversation you were having on your cell phone during those two minutes was so monumentally important that you felt like you could take a big ole dump on my family...aloud...in front of everyone within earshot. I apologize. The next time you decide to have an important conversation on your phone in the middle of a public place, the rest of us will cease existing until you are finished. After all, you're obviously much more important than the rest of us. And although I can assume from your skank-ass boots and lack of legitimate pants that it was not an important business call, your incessant yapping is probably a much-needed distraction from the shallow, vapid thoughts blowing through your head.
Furthermore, my daughter is two, and she was tired and cranky. She has an excuse for sometimes behaving badly. Cut us a god-damned break. You? You are nearing thirty and are a miserable ass hat.
The only comfort I can take is from your declaration that you will, "Never have kids." Thank God. We do not need a new generation of self-important, Jersey-Shore wannabees with zero compassion or consideration for the other human being you share the planet with. Also? You smell like a stripper.
Happy Thanksgiving, you heartless snake. I will be enjoying it with my family. My daughter is not a perfect angel 100 percent of the time, but she is pretty damn amazing nonetheless. A few tantrums are a small price to pay for the light and love she brings the world.
I hope you enjoy the multiple cases of single-serving Easy Mac you purchased tonight. It must be awesome to be alone.
The Frazzled Mother Behind You in Line Tonight