...that lasted all week long.
**Disclaimer** This is a very whiney, self-induldgent post. You may slap me later. For now, let me be.
It's just been one of those weeks where nothing seems easy, and nothing gets done, and Madeline has been extra cranky...and so have I.
This is going to sound really obnoxious coming from someone who is usually home by 3:30 every day and who has lots of time off....but is it time for winter break yet???
Don't misunderstand me. I'm one of the lucky few who at the end of the day can say I really, really, really like my job. A lot.
But working full time and taking care of a baby and keeping up with life in general is damn exhausting.
First, there's work. There's always curriculum to write, papers to grade, students to worry about, forms I've forgotten to sign. From September to June, my work mind never shuts off. It doesn't matter that I'm physically home by 3:30...the day is never over.
And I want to be a good teacher...a really, really good teacher BUT. now I have a one year old. Work is no longer my number one priority.
When I count up the waking hours I spend with Madeline per day during the work week, I feel guilty. Three and a half hours a day is not enough time.
And a good part of that three and a half hours is spent trying to keep up with all those little house chores and errands that need to get done. By the time we're finished with dinner, the dishes are cleared, her highchair is wiped down, and the kitchen floor is swept, I'm exhausted.
This does not make me a fun Mumma. I find myself getting easily irritated. Plus, Madeline is also exhausted from her day at school, so she's extra needy. (No, Maddie Bear, light bulbs are not toys! Neither are cellphones! Neither is that puddle of milk you're pouring all over the floor.)
By the time Madeline is in bed, and actually asleep, I'm spent. My desire to finish cleaning the kitchen, grade papers, or blog about something worth blogging about has flown out the window.
So, I end up spending an hour or two on the couch, staring blankly at my Ipad instead of doing the 100 million things I should be doing instead. Not to mention, where do I fit my relationship with Eric into all of this?
In short, nothing gets done well. The papers go ungraded, Madeline doesn't get the fun Mumma she deserves, the house is a permanent mess, and Eric and I are like ships passing in the night.
We pull it all together in the end; we always do. But the seams are sloppy. Very, very sloppy.
Thank the Internet Gods that tomorrow is Friday!
(I feel compelled to add that I'm not a complete grumpus. I watched Madeline fall asleep tonight, and it made me feel all squishy inside. I'm very blessed to have such a sweet, healthy, angel of a girl.)