No doubt about it, Zack Morris is a babe. I never liked Slater. Maybe it was his habit of wearing belly shirts and doing pirouettes around the hallways of Bayside High.
But, if I were the other students at Bayside, I would hate Zack Morris and the rest of the gang. (And not just because Kelly Kapowski stole my baby name.) Because whenever something interesting happens at that school, Zach and his selfish friends take it all for themselves. Everything is always about them!
What about the hundreds of other students at the school? Do they ever get to join the dance contest? Do they ever get to save the Glee Club? Does Mr. Belding ever say, "Hey, hey, hey, what's going on here?!" to them?
This morning I watched the episode where oil is discovered on their football field thus promising a new state-of-the-art Bayside. Meanwhile, the gang is studying animals from the school pond in science class. Everyone gets their own pet to study. Zack, of course, gets the best animal...a duck named Becky.
But wait?! Did I say everyone gets an animal? Oh, let me correct that. Lisa, Kelly, Jesse, Zack, Slater, and Screech get pets. The rest of the kids in their class...they get nothing. Doesn't it matter if they learn science? Aren't their parents' tax dollars going to fund this school as well? Maybe when all that oil money comes in, there will be enough pets to go around in science class.
But, oh no, Zack and the gang have to go and ruin it for everybody. There's an oil spill on campus that kills Zack's pet duck Becky. As a result, he stops the drilling, and Bayside doesn't get any money. Great Zack, now nobody will get a new pool or new football uniforms (Which obviously they need because Slater's doesn't cover his bellybutton.) or a new science lab all because your stupid pet duck died. Selfish, Zack, very selfish.
Following this episode, was the one where celebrity Johnny Dakota comes to Bayside to film an anti-drug commercial. ("No Hope with Dope") Classic! Of course, who does the cool, famous Johnny Dakota decide to hang out with while filming at Bayside? Zack and the gang...of course. And who gets to star in the commercial? You guessed it...Zack and the gang. At one point, there's some random motorcycle chick who seems like she's going to be in the commercial, but she doesn't make the final cut. Probably because after Zack discovers Johnny Dakota smoking pot, they refuse to work with him, and Johnny leaves the school.
Great Zack. Maybe you and Kelly are to "square" to try some "dope," but I bet there were plenty of other kids at that school who would have given their front teeth to get high with Johnny Dakota. Now motorcycle chick will never get to be in a commercial, and the rest of the student body will never get to hang out with Johnny Dakota....all because of you. Selfish, Zack, very selfish.
Where was your moral outrage when Jesse's caffeine pill habit lead to a career of pole dancing after high school, or when you and Lisa decided to drink and drive your senior year?! I guess the rules only apply to other people...not your friends. (P.S. Someone obviously forgot to get the anti-drug message to Screech.)
So, the next time you find yourself watching reruns of Saved By The Bell on a snowy Wednesday morning, remember the others. Remember the students who only watch form the sidelines as Lisa wins the dance contest at the Max. Remember the nerds who get carelessly knocked aside in almost every episode so Zack can carry out some scheme. Remember all the other students who don't get featured in the video yearbook because so much time is devoted to Zack, Kelly, Lisa Turtle, A.C. Slater, Jesse, and Screech.
I hate you, Zack Morris. I really do.